Hi. My name is Ralph. I’m a rat engineer who lives in the sewers of Queensland. Unlike in some of the smaller states, our sewer network isn’t just confined to the city; ours stretches regionally, all the way to the top of Australia and to the centre of the state. Rats can move fast, but we’re tiny creatures. Since it can take hundreds of days to travel a substantial distance, our movement is limited. I have a solution: the rat car.
It seems absurd that a car for rats hasn’t been invented yet! Rats don’t have to adhere to the same safety requirements as humans, so I don’t imagine it would be very difficult to build a car and then purchase a cheap roadworthy certificate. Near me, there are plenty of rats who would love the chance to drive around like humans do. I’ve always seen them peeking above the surface, admiring the two-legged people in their shiny cars. If I created a working, functional car, I would be their hero – their trustworthy, reputable expert. They might even make me a rat king.
So, that’s my plan. I’ll create a car design and patent it. Firstly, I’ll have to find an auto electrician located in Underwood, as that’s the suburb where I know there to be a lot of conveniently-located human scrap metal, all stacked in one place and ready to use. Dragging it underground without being seen will be the biggest issue, but I’m sure if I create a kickstarter fund and get rats to donate, I’ll have enough money to employ some birds and possums to assist me under the cover of darkness. The electrician will be there to provide advice, but I won’t let them see my plans. Those are secret, after all. I’m going to make millions from this and I can’t let anything jeopardise it. You’re all sworn to secrecy.